


check how your friends are doing maybe.

by kirigi



Category: NCT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 06:47:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14303145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirigi/pseuds/kirigi
Summary: yuta is lonely.





	check how your friends are doing maybe.

yuta likes to hold everything together.

 

what is it that you fear the most? some say monsters, most say failure, two or three say death. but is loneliness not the most feared emotion? endless, trapped thoughts that are discontent with not being voiced out, who may listen? who may answer? you aren't confident enough to answer these questions, a few names enter and slip from your mind, hesitancy clawing at your brain. you answer nobody. you already know everything, things you deserve and things you are given. sad, sad, sad. desperate for attention, care, adoration, but aren't we all? it is human nature, the wise ones shrug and continue to look straight ahead. wouldn't we all like some company, an ear to tell all your deepest, darkest secrets to, we all wish for such simple things without thinking once or twice about how other things hold much more importance than short lived conversations and desperation for recognition. 

 

if only yuta could accept this lonely, bitter life as easily as he says it. his eyes would fall upon a tall figure standing beside his own club of friends, sicheng, he is lovable, kind and equally as selfish. yuta loathes him. he wonders how such a being like sicheng can ever say that he feels lonely, the sicheng who is always surrounded by friends, the sicheng who chats his problems away, the sicheng whose friends show concern for him. it is truly sickening! sicheng would shed one tear and the entire world would be all over him with worry plastered over their faces, but if it was yuta, no one would've made a single movement. how can sicheng be so ungrateful and say he feels lonely, is he mocking yuta? sickening. very sickening. the nausea builds up in yutas stomach, thoughts of being alone forever fill in his mind like bees. yuta wonders. has anyone noticed he doesn't eat at all these days? have they noticed he doesn't talk like he used to before? have they noticed he rarely leaves his room nowadays? have they noticed? have they noticed? have they noticed? no. yutas presence is no longer needed, he was a tool of entertainment, not important. 

 

yuta wonders. will it be over? is it just something everyone goes through? how long will it last? yuta believes in the saying, "nothing lasts forever." yet he can't bring himself to believe this will end someday, it has been years, will years turn into decades? will decades turn into centuries? will yuta still be alive? terrifying. will i be brave enough to commit suicide? yuta questions himself. he thinks of the things he will lose, laughter escapes his mouth, hands clutching his stomach. amazing, yuta thinks. loneliness is a sickness. fuck sicheng and his stupid friends. fuck everyone who get to talk to others. fuck human emotions. there is simply nothing to look forward to, dull and boring, life fucking sucks. laugh, laugh, laugh. its quite hilarious, no! it is completely hilarious. how much importance and relevance does a single life hold? yuta will die. and that is no one's top concern. he won't be missed. we all wait for death anyway, so he hopes god won't mind him leaving the party earlier than planned or maybe god is the one who planned yutas suicide since he keeps challenging him when he committed no sin to deserve such a harsh punishment, yuta does not believe in god, he is excited to finally find out the truth for himself. 

 

they will all weep and in between sobs, they will say yuta was a great boy, oh so passionate! we never expected him to end up like this, truly a tragedy! they will fake tears over the fabricated personality named nakamoto yuta who will be remembered as the suicide boy. quite unfortunate. yet again, yuta wonders. would he be committing such an act if he had the personality of sicheng? is he doing this because he has no friends? absolutely not. the life of yuta has come to a loop of misery that he needs to end, there is no future, no past, no present for yuta. lots of, lots of love to the lovely nakamoto yuta!

 

yuta learned to let go.


End file.
